First Week

Monday AM: Well, I didn't get up and run (I thought briefly about lying to myself and saying it was dark and I really do not know how safe it is...but honesty is always the best policy so I threw the thought out with the coffee grounds as 6:30 hit). However, I am actively trying to learn how to forgive/forget (especially of the self, doing so for others comes with more ease) and roll with the ripples. So, I grabbed my gym bag and went to the Matteson gym after work (also stopped by Sports Authority and got 2 pair running shoes because they are having a crazy awesome sale - one pair for stability [Hello Kayano!!] and one for generic runs {holla at my 2100 series}). Saw Rika, Allison, and JB workin' on their fitness and did 9.0 mph sprints on the 'mill. Then did some leg work and jetted like a plane. So, was it early and done with, no. Yet, perhaps more worthwhile because I got to see a friend I miss. Lesson? Be like the Lotus, dude.

Let The Wild Rumpus Start

I start tomorrow with morning workouts/runs - part super exciting because I just love mornings, but part intimidating because the winter has been long (and hard for that matter) = out of shape and used to sleeping in. Nevertheless (fun word!!) I have a goal and I am going to make it!

Peace out.

India

I suppose it is time to really sit down with myself and iterate what happened on this trip. I have told so many people I am "still processing," but what does that mean? What am I processing? Am I actively sifting through thoughts or passively hoping that some grand change or revelation will occur?

Not sure.

First off, the trip was taxing. It stretched nearly every branch of myself - I'll expound:

1. Spiritually: I told Hoku before we left (as she had her own reservations about the missionary aspect of the trip) that there are so many things about my faith that I do not understand: Questions to which I have not found, nor do I know where to look for, answers. Questions I think I have, but do not know how to ask....and then, naturally, questions I do not yet even have. It was incredible that Soji and Smitha (the pastor and his wife with whom we worked) do all of their work, spent so much energy preparing for us and keeping us safe, because they love Jesus. THAT is the bottom line for them.
   
   The church service that we attended the last day was one of the most difficult experiences I had on the trip (perhaps in part because we were sitting on the floor with lots of ants, in skirts, trying to reposition and not show leg = super tricky:)). But really, Hoku, Carli and I "taught" the children's service and it was crazy. I did not know how to keep children in line with a language barrier. It was also challenging for me to see things from Hoku's perspective: I know the "standards" when it comes to Bible stories, can come up with some good verses from memory, and can even go so far back as to remember lyrics to "Father Abraham (had many sons....)" but how has this indoctrination helped me? How was it made alive for me? Was it? The stories and songs convey an image of Jesus that I feel compares to the image of Founding Father's given in American History books: Where is the reality?? Where is the Jesus who was a rebel? His miracles are just that, miracles, that remain awe-inspiring for good reason. But, again, what does this diluted information give to sustain? Is it necessary to bring a story to a child's level of understanding? Perhaps. I don't know. (It may be important here to note that we had all boys from the age of 2 to 13 who really wanted to sing jingle bells and had been forced to sit for 2 hours before we got them...not a recipe for an intellectual and peaceful Sunday school class - that and I am not the greatest fan of more than 2-3 kids at one time...).
   
   I have felt for sometime now that I am spiritually dogpaddling. Staying adrift, but without progress towards a more intimate relationship with Jesus. I am super excited for the new church starting up in the city for some spiritual sustenance.
   
   
2. Physically: A hard item to note, because it feels superficial...but it's real so I might as well address it - I have gained 5 lbs since summer when I was running and being more active - not uncommon in winter months. But, it has really consumed my mental energies (which is super irritating!). As a result, I was self-conscious and self-focused on the trip about foods, reactions to foods (emotional and gastroenterologically), and self-image. What a waste of energy when I am in INDIA!! Moreover, what a waste because I am a PT - I know what to do to lose the weight!! I just have not been disciplined enough to do it!
   
   Argh.
   
   
3. Interpersonally: Like whoa. There were so many dynamics on this trip. It was a unique experience being "the kids" as Hoku and I were by far the youngest team members (generally lumped together as well, which was fine, there are few people with whom I would be okay as a lump, but it worked in this case). Trying not to judge other individual's seemingly judgmental attitudes or lack of flexibility was tough. Hearing the same or similar complaints about how our server at the hotel just did not understand English (well, we are in India)...or how there is always milk in the coffee...It became grating at times, mostly when I was tired and we had group meals.
   
   A wonderful interpersonal challenge was communicating with the people in the villages using my limited Malayarlum (Korichi, korichi malayalum areyam), gestures, and translators. The joy I felt if I was able to see that another truly understood was awesome! And something so little as - can you move this way...no, not like that...like this....YES!!! Owa, Owa!! So lovely! Sometimes it was hard to realize that I could not make as big a difference as I would have liked: If an environmental modification was not feasible (say, because the "table" on which they do meal preparation is a slab or stone, or because they wash laundry by hitting it over a rock every day so their rotator cuffs are shot...), and they had to continue with this manual labor, all I could offer was stretching, exercises, or pressure points/massage for relief after the activity. That is hard when I really wanted to take away their pain.