RUN FOR THE HILLS!

We did it! 13.1. miles in 2.13.57 - for cold, rainy, slippery trail running (and having a sore throat/runny nose) I'll take it with great joy.

Jaime wasn't able to run the actual trail (the race filled up before she could register) but she ran the roads around the park and had a nice 9 mile run herself! Megan came down from Madison and was a very welcome site at mile 9 when I was starting to fade.

Finished the race, stopped at Duncan for a blueberry coffee, came back to Chicago and spent the day with the Sandlin family (Jess included because he just happened to be in Chi-town for a conference, crazy!). We took the river architecture boat tour, ate at Corner Bakery, and enjoyed the beautiful fall day.

Like Bryan Adams, but a Woman

Laura Marling:

This girl's voice and lyrics are introspective, witty, and gripping; yes, all at once.

Examples:

"Give up and turn into my mother...God knows I really love her"

"I will never love a man, because love and pain go hand, and I just can't do it...again"

And, a shout out to Bryan Adams in the song...holla.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNxar07_9YA&feature=channel

Under the Mango Tree

Synchronicity at its finest:

While slicing mangos to dry in the dehydrator (yeah for second hand food processing items!) I decided to catch up on some "This American Life."

What was the topic you may ask?

MANGOS! No joke! As they pertain to poverty vs. prosperity in Haiti. Who knew that that mangos could become one of the most profitable exports for the country? Also, quite a controversial question: Could the earthquake have been the best thing that happened to the country? Now, hold on. I too was aghast, but hear this out. If the old way (NGO's putting out multiple small fires but often having funding cut before completion of a project) has left Haiti with increased levels of poverty year after year, could a new process, in which all eyes are now focused on re-vamping the entire countries interlocking systems, could this finally bring a new definition of relief? Or, I then ask, will this be another adoption and forced Westernization of a developing country? What about relationships?

http://www.npr.org/blogs/money/2010/05/mangoes_poverty_and_haiti.html

Anthem of Hope

What particulars about a series of circumstances evokes emotion?

For example: Someone spills coffee on your purse at church, ironically on the day you wondered, as you carried your own coffee into the sanctuary, how often coffee is spilled inside? If said person, obviously in the row behind you, had bent forward to tap you on the shoulder an apologize for the spilled java, all would be well. However, to simply let you grab the soaked handle of your tote at the service's end only to rapidly release said handle, smell your hand, and wrinkle your nose in disgust...well, that is simply unchristian! Okay, so perhaps I'm overreacting, but still! A decent person, especially in church, would have apologized. Could I throw the offender a bone? Sure. Maybe s/he didn't know about the spilled beverage...still though...that would mean that the person doesn't pick up after him/herself and/or is environmentally slovenly. So...

Yet, perhaps this is too judgmental for a Sunday afternoon?

Other emotions: why does a song have the power to inspire hope? I have had some incredibly powerful, endorphine charged, and uplifting runs lately: listening to the harmony of my breath, birds, bugs, wind (the music of the night, if you will), directed under the light of a harvest moon, set to the tempo of my pace as my feet strike the path. Also I have listened to songs that tell me "Give me your eyes, I will change what you see...but your soul you must keep totally free..."

Well, I am free, that is for certain. And what a glorious feeling it is to be free in spirit and soul; especially as an introspective, independent woman. Yet, if it is such a delight, why then do I have moments of deep longing and thoughts of regret?

What is it that I miss? Knowing that I have been loved for me? The depth and breadth of conversation? Touch? Or, could it simply be, that I am mourning the loss of a dearest friend? I think that is it. To have such open and honest dialogue with someone for years only to have that flow abruptly stop. It is jarring.

And so, a new journey. Objective: To write my anthem of hope. With so many opportunities around for inspiration (lyrics, melodies, memories, the beauty of the season and the people I see everyday) how can one stay in mourning? I will persevere with head held high

A taste of inspiration:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KkUeRPjc-Y

Goodmorning Indeed.

I do so love mornings....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1K0m0JFY5Y&feature=related

Love...

...never fails you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNWJyPsWqy0&feature=fvw

And, Start Again.

Restarting applies to life at present in so many ways. From running to relationships to seeking God....start again.

Running: Turns out, core instability can really mess with a runner. The current reason for why I've had hip pain for the past 2 years (as deduced by my PT (yes, a PT went to a PT)) was my core!!! Now, not to brush my own shoulders off or anything, but I have prided myself on my core activation in the past...shoot! I even demonstrated on RUSI for the class how to activate TA and LM (transverse abdominus and lumbar multifidus) for optimal co-contraction while lying down on a mat table. Turns out, stand me up, move my legs...and I can't sustain it! So, many exercises and much mental focus later, I am learning how to run in a totally different way...one that may allow for distance again.

I've even committed to a 1/2 marathon the end of October with Jaime: I'm wicked super pumped:)!!

http://www.halfmarathons.net/usa_half_marathons_illinois_moraine_run_for_the_hills_half_marathon.html

Relationships: I am clinging to 2 statements from a dear friend: God rewards obedience and He can fill every void...Sometimes I detest "church" lingo...it sounds pat at a time when visceral emotion is what I desire to express, but I have no words other than what I know at this time (a humbling admission for a word nerd who still gets the Word of the Day). I am experiencing a truth that is both love and pain, weighted down, yet laden with strange peace at the same time.

Seeking God: I started to type "Is there a how to book?"...then I realized that yes, there is a rather large how to book...what about a wise sage to guide me then? How does one fear and love and revere and commune with one Being?

Turns out life is tricky and sticky at times....yet as the clothing line reminds...life is also good.

http://www.lifeisgood.com/images/letters/letters-PhotoTriathlete.jpg

Peace

First Week

Monday AM: Well, I didn't get up and run (I thought briefly about lying to myself and saying it was dark and I really do not know how safe it is...but honesty is always the best policy so I threw the thought out with the coffee grounds as 6:30 hit). However, I am actively trying to learn how to forgive/forget (especially of the self, doing so for others comes with more ease) and roll with the ripples. So, I grabbed my gym bag and went to the Matteson gym after work (also stopped by Sports Authority and got 2 pair running shoes because they are having a crazy awesome sale - one pair for stability [Hello Kayano!!] and one for generic runs {holla at my 2100 series}). Saw Rika, Allison, and JB workin' on their fitness and did 9.0 mph sprints on the 'mill. Then did some leg work and jetted like a plane. So, was it early and done with, no. Yet, perhaps more worthwhile because I got to see a friend I miss. Lesson? Be like the Lotus, dude.

Let The Wild Rumpus Start

I start tomorrow with morning workouts/runs - part super exciting because I just love mornings, but part intimidating because the winter has been long (and hard for that matter) = out of shape and used to sleeping in. Nevertheless (fun word!!) I have a goal and I am going to make it!

Peace out.

India

I suppose it is time to really sit down with myself and iterate what happened on this trip. I have told so many people I am "still processing," but what does that mean? What am I processing? Am I actively sifting through thoughts or passively hoping that some grand change or revelation will occur?

Not sure.

First off, the trip was taxing. It stretched nearly every branch of myself - I'll expound:

1. Spiritually: I told Hoku before we left (as she had her own reservations about the missionary aspect of the trip) that there are so many things about my faith that I do not understand: Questions to which I have not found, nor do I know where to look for, answers. Questions I think I have, but do not know how to ask....and then, naturally, questions I do not yet even have. It was incredible that Soji and Smitha (the pastor and his wife with whom we worked) do all of their work, spent so much energy preparing for us and keeping us safe, because they love Jesus. THAT is the bottom line for them.
   
   The church service that we attended the last day was one of the most difficult experiences I had on the trip (perhaps in part because we were sitting on the floor with lots of ants, in skirts, trying to reposition and not show leg = super tricky:)). But really, Hoku, Carli and I "taught" the children's service and it was crazy. I did not know how to keep children in line with a language barrier. It was also challenging for me to see things from Hoku's perspective: I know the "standards" when it comes to Bible stories, can come up with some good verses from memory, and can even go so far back as to remember lyrics to "Father Abraham (had many sons....)" but how has this indoctrination helped me? How was it made alive for me? Was it? The stories and songs convey an image of Jesus that I feel compares to the image of Founding Father's given in American History books: Where is the reality?? Where is the Jesus who was a rebel? His miracles are just that, miracles, that remain awe-inspiring for good reason. But, again, what does this diluted information give to sustain? Is it necessary to bring a story to a child's level of understanding? Perhaps. I don't know. (It may be important here to note that we had all boys from the age of 2 to 13 who really wanted to sing jingle bells and had been forced to sit for 2 hours before we got them...not a recipe for an intellectual and peaceful Sunday school class - that and I am not the greatest fan of more than 2-3 kids at one time...).
   
   I have felt for sometime now that I am spiritually dogpaddling. Staying adrift, but without progress towards a more intimate relationship with Jesus. I am super excited for the new church starting up in the city for some spiritual sustenance.
   
   
2. Physically: A hard item to note, because it feels superficial...but it's real so I might as well address it - I have gained 5 lbs since summer when I was running and being more active - not uncommon in winter months. But, it has really consumed my mental energies (which is super irritating!). As a result, I was self-conscious and self-focused on the trip about foods, reactions to foods (emotional and gastroenterologically), and self-image. What a waste of energy when I am in INDIA!! Moreover, what a waste because I am a PT - I know what to do to lose the weight!! I just have not been disciplined enough to do it!
   
   Argh.
   
   
3. Interpersonally: Like whoa. There were so many dynamics on this trip. It was a unique experience being "the kids" as Hoku and I were by far the youngest team members (generally lumped together as well, which was fine, there are few people with whom I would be okay as a lump, but it worked in this case). Trying not to judge other individual's seemingly judgmental attitudes or lack of flexibility was tough. Hearing the same or similar complaints about how our server at the hotel just did not understand English (well, we are in India)...or how there is always milk in the coffee...It became grating at times, mostly when I was tired and we had group meals.
   
   A wonderful interpersonal challenge was communicating with the people in the villages using my limited Malayarlum (Korichi, korichi malayalum areyam), gestures, and translators. The joy I felt if I was able to see that another truly understood was awesome! And something so little as - can you move this way...no, not like that...like this....YES!!! Owa, Owa!! So lovely! Sometimes it was hard to realize that I could not make as big a difference as I would have liked: If an environmental modification was not feasible (say, because the "table" on which they do meal preparation is a slab or stone, or because they wash laundry by hitting it over a rock every day so their rotator cuffs are shot...), and they had to continue with this manual labor, all I could offer was stretching, exercises, or pressure points/massage for relief after the activity. That is hard when I really wanted to take away their pain.